


New Freedom

by Dyzzyah



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexuality, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-14
Updated: 2012-04-14
Packaged: 2017-11-03 15:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/382791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dyzzyah/pseuds/Dyzzyah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Feferi Peixes is asexual, an introspective at certain key points in her story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Freedom

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Asexy April.

You are Feferi Peixes, and you are a really awesome moirail, even if you don’t really want to be.

If you had to be completely honest, you’d have to admit that you don’t really like the quadrants! Sure, it works out well for most trolls, but for you? No thanks, you just don’t feel the need for anything romantic.

Eridan, though…he needs a moirail. Badly. He needs someone to keep everyone else safe from him, so you’ve been his palemate through thick and thin; he has always been your best friend, after all! Nobody understands him like you, and nobody understands you like him! If you ever did want a real, true moirail, you would want him, and he’s great! He helps feed your lusus and spends time with you and you have fun together.

He’s the best friend you could ask for, in the whole wide empire, and sometimes you wish you could feel pale for him. You really do! But you can’t. You can’t feel pale, or flushed, or ashen, or caliginous for anyone at all, and it’s exhausting to try to fill a role you can’t bring yourself to feel.

For his sake, though? You’ve done your best.

The world is going to end soon, and that’s ridiculously sad, but you can’t stop it. The world you’re going to create, however, oh, you’re excited about that! You plan to make a new world, one where nobody has to decide between mating and death. One where nobody gets subjugglated or oppressed due to blood color, where no one gets killed because of infirmity or injury or just because someone was bored and could get away with it.

When the world ends, you will make a new one, and everyone will be free.

)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(

Wow.

You just had a really awkward conversation with your former moirail. He’s still your best friend and everything, but…yeah. You were honest with him, it WAS exhausting trying to be a moirail when your aquatic vascular system just wasn’t in it, and it’s not really his fault. You do want to stay friends, best friends! The very best friends that ever friended like friends! Just…not be in the pale quadrant anymore.

To top that off, it looks like he had flushed aspirations for you, and, honestly? It was flattering, and it was sweet (in his way), and he would probably make a great matesprit for someone, but…not for you. You got the sense that he was hurt that you never thought about him that way, but you never thought about anyone that way! And it wouldn’t be fair to pretend, either, because he deserves someone who can be a real, proper matesprit and completely return his feelings.

Maybe in the new world he can find someone. Hopefully he can be patient. You’ll try to explain things better when you have more time, and after he has had time to process things. But, that’s later.

You swim off, you have to save Sollux! So much to do, so much to get ready for! You can’t help but be excited!

Even though your talk with Eridan was difficult and soooo awkward, you feel like a huge weight has been taken from you. You aren’t shoved into any quadrants anymore! You can just be yourself!

Even with everything else, you’ve never felt so FREE!

)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(

You really thought Eridan would handle things better than he has. You’ve finished the game, even though you couldn’t enter your new universe, things were going okay. Everyone had survived the game! Well, everyone who entered it alive, anyway, and Aradia doesn’t seem too worse for the wear. You’re kind of stuck in the veil, but you’re sure someone will think of something!

You’ve spent a lot of time with all of your friends, especially Sollux. You’re just so excited to know everyone super-well! You’re all young and strong, and over the last few weeks you’ve gone through things you’re pretty sure no troll ever had to deal with before. If you all could get through that, you can get through anything!

Eridan though…oy, that guy. He’s been in a frenzy trying to fill his quadrants by almost any means, including some really low-down tricks. Was he always like this? You try to tell yourself that it’s not your fault; you went above and beyond by being his palemate when he needed one, but it’s time to let him swim on his own for a while. And you tried to explain it to him! You tried to explain that you just don’t feel comfortable with quadrants. You don’t need to feel red or black, you just want friends and platonic rivals. Nothing fancy! Nothing complicated! Certainly nothing concupiscent! But no, he seems dead-set on taking it personally. You hope that he’ll come around. Hoping is pretty much all you can do, as far as he’s concerned.

Sollux, on the other hand…he already gets it. Well, as much as he can, anyway. He likes quadrants. He plans to fill them in his own time. He has quadrant aspirations and flirtations and frustrations when those flirtations aren’t picked up; but he listened when you said you don’t have those things, and he TRIED to understand. To you, that’s a huge thing! No wonder you hang out with him so much! And he’s playing with you, picking up your puns and whatnot, and you’re just having a great time together!

You don’t think you’ve ever had someone you were so open with, without worrying about whether they think you’re angling for a relationship beyond friendship.

It’s nice. It’s wonderful! It’s so very freeing!

)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(

You’re sitting in Gamzee’s horn pile, and talking with Sollux. You’re both having such a great time, as usual! But Eridan…oh no, not again! He’s starting trouble with Sollux, and you feel like he’s trying to pull you into something ashen…he still doesn’t get it! Not wanting any quadrants means not wanting ANY quadrants!

Their battle is pretty fierce. Actually, it’s getting out of hand, and maybe you should get someone to—HOLY SHIT!

The next few moments are kind of a blur. Sollux is out cold, he looks almost lifeless, and Eridan, he looks like he’s going to finish Sollux off. You grab your 2X3dent, resolved to stop this before things get even worse and…

…No…

He wouldn’t…

He can’t! He’s Eridan, and—NO, blinding flash, pain, searing, burning, hurting, pain, ow, damn it, ow, pain, no, Eridan, where are your legs, you can’t feel your legs, you can’t feel your stomach, pain, invisible body, you can’t feel anything below this void in your chest, Eridan put a hole in your chest, pain, ow, ow, ow, moving slow, everything is slow, vision is fading, it hurts it hurts it hurts, no, Eridan where are you going, help me, Eridan, get help, don’t leave, no, an explosion, numbness, screaming that isn’t yours, and, no…

Eridan, why?

All sensation fades from your body and you

are

free.

)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(-)(

On the other side of mortality, you weep.

The horrorterrors surround and comfort you, their cold tendrils of madness beyond being remind you of your lusus, and call you back to yourself as you drift through the expanse of nothingness.

You are soothed by the ancient and the terrible in hushed whispers that could end stars. This was inevitable in your timeline. You did well. So well. You created a universe, one where those like you who had no need for romance, no need for quadrants or pails, could live without fear of drones. Your new world houses such people, fascinating and clever and stupid and weird, of every inclination. It wasn’t perfect, nothing ever would be, but you had reached your objective, and there is more yet for you to do. 

Your story isn’t over, they tell you, there is much yet for you to do. Little one, you have work ahead of you. Little witch, your death was needed for you to reach your next stage of life. With your own passing, you have inherited the fates of the dead and the dreaming, the barren timelines, the doomed, the hopeless, and the void itself. You, the one who is most fit, who pities all equally, and hates none more than the rest, little hero of life, must ensure the success of the survivors and the passed.

This they tell you, again and again until you regain yourself.

You wipe your nose, and it’s a weird feeling, mourning your own passing. You feel clean, though, you’ve grieved for a while, but having direction and purpose feels good. It gives you something else to think about. Being dead isn’t so bad as it could be, you can still feel and smell and see, and the thought of meeting up with your friends in their dreams sounds pretty good. You went for sweeps without ever seeing most of your pals, anyway, and this way you can talk and hug and smile with them whenever they sleep. Oh, and there’s humans to meet, too! Heck, you figure, when hands you lemons…why not make the best of it?

One thing’s for sure, though. Next time Eridan sleeps? You’re punching him right in the face. And if what the horrorterrors said is true, if what he did really was inevitable…nope. Screw that. If he even wants to talk to you again, he’s going to have to EARN it.

You float off towards a dream bubble, ready to start your mission. You know what you have to do. You know what your charge is.

You’re the Witch of Life, and you’re going to get this shit sorted. You’ve taken up your cause and your mantle, and, strangely enough, you feel free.


End file.
